You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize