What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
