The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
