I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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