when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
