And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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