BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize