Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
