Will you blow on my dice?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was a blind-side dick pic.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
