I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
