I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
