her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
