Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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