There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
