3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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