Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize