shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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