Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize