he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
