I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
