I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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