You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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