apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
