dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
