im six kinds of drunk right now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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