i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
