He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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