My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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