Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
