she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
