My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize