I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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