Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
