Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sarcasm needs its own font
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
