i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
