how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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