Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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