also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
