I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
