I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
