i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
