Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
