if i can run in heels then i can drive
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
