If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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