just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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