i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
