chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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