I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
