Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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