His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
