If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
