can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
