last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
