Welp...herpes.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
