Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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