Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
