It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
