this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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