this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
