well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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