I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It's never too late to be topless.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
