This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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