Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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