So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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