Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
