Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just high enough for therapy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
