i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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