I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
