Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
