the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You smell like stripper and shame
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hippo gnu deer
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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