Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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